How to invite people for a wedding, properly

Knowing how to invite for a wedding is mostly about order and clarity. Who hears first, how they hear, and whether they can tell at a glance which functions they're invited to: get those right and the rest is easy. This guide covers the order, the timing, card versus WhatsApp versus link, the guest list, plus-ones and children, out-of-town guests, and following up without nagging. For the words themselves, see wedding invitation messages.

• Who to invite first and when to send
• Card, WhatsApp or a link
• The guest list, plus-ones and children
• Out-of-town guests, people you've lost touch with and following up

Who should you invite first?

Start with the people who would feel left out if they heard from someone else. In most Indian families that means:

1. The family deity and the elders. Many families place the first card before the deity at home or at the family temple, then take cards to grandparents and the eldest relatives in person.
2. Close relatives on both sides: parents' siblings, cousins you grew up with. A visit or a phone call, then the card or link.
3. Close friends of the couple and of the parents: a personal message, not a group forward.
4. Everyone else: colleagues, neighbours, wider circles, all in one go so that nobody hears second-hand.

The one thing to avoid is a cousin hearing about the wedding from another cousin before you've told them. Once the first relatives know, the news travels fast, so finish the close-family round within a day or two.

When should you send wedding invitations?

There is no fixed rule; these are sensible timings most families work to.

• Two to three months before: a save the date for guests who must book travel or take leave, and for destination weddings. Ideas are in save the date messages.
• Four to six weeks before the first function: the full invitation to everyone.
• Two weeks before: your RSVP date, if you need numbers for the caterer.
• One week before: one reminder with timings and the map.
• The day before each function: a short note to those coming, especially if the venue is hard to find.

Card, WhatsApp or a link: how should you invite?

Most families now use all three, for different people.

• A printed card, by hand, for elders and close family. It is a mark of respect more than a source of information.
• WhatsApp for almost everyone else. It reaches people fast and they keep the details on their phone.
• An invite link sent on WhatsApp, if you want guests to have the map for each venue, add each function to their calendar, reply in a tap, and see updates if a timing changes.

The step-by-step for sending it, from checking the link preview to messaging elders separately, is in how to send a wedding invitation on WhatsApp. The short version: one message per guest with the names and date in the first line and the card or link in the same message.

• After a phone call Copy

  As we just spoke, here are the details for [Bride] and [Groom]'s wedding on [Date] in [City]: [link]. We're looking forward to seeing you.

• To someone who should hear it personally Copy

  [Name], I wanted you to hear it from me first: I'm getting married to [Partner] on [Date] in [City], and I'd really like you to be there. The invitation is here: [link]

How do you make the wedding guest list?

Most guest-list fights come from two families counting differently. A few habits help:

• Agree a total first, from the venue and the budget, then split it between the two families and the couple before anyone writes names.
• Sort names into three columns: must invite, should invite, could invite. Cut from the third column first.
• Count heads, not cards. “Sharma uncle” is often four people. Write the number next to each name.
• Decide function by function. The haldi and mehendi lists are usually shorter than the reception's. Mark which functions each person is invited to before anything is sent.

How do you handle plus-ones and children?

Be specific, because Indian invitations default to the whole family. सपरिवार (sapariwar) on a card means everyone in the household is welcome. If that's not what you mean, write the guest's name, or the couple's names, on the envelope and in the message.

• Adults only, politely Copy

  We'd love you both to join us on [Date]. The functions will run late, so we're keeping the evening to adults only; we hope you understand. [link]

• Plus-one welcome Copy

  You're invited with a plus-one! Please add their name when you reply on the invite so we can plan: [link]

How do you invite out-of-town guests?

Tell them earlier, and tell them more. Guests who travel need the city and dates before they book, and practical help once they do.

• Send a save the date as soon as the dates are fixed.
• List which functions they're invited to, so they know how many days to plan for.
• Share hotel suggestions, the nearest station or airport, and a contact for pick-ups.
• Ask them to confirm by a date, since you may be booking rooms.

• Out-of-town guests Copy

  We'd love to have you in [City] for [Bride] and [Groom]'s wedding on [Date]. Since it means travelling, we're writing early. Hotels, directions and a contact for pick-ups are on the invitation: [link]. Please let us know by [Date].

How do you invite someone you've lost touch with?

Acknowledge the gap in one line, keep it warm, and don't over-explain. A call is best; if that feels awkward, a personal message works.

• Old friend Copy

  Hi [Name], it's been far too long, and I'm sorry for that. I'm getting married on [Date] in [City], and it wouldn't feel right without you. Here's everything: [link]. I'd love to catch up properly there.

How do you follow up without nagging?

Ask once with a date, remind once, then message the few who haven't replied one by one. A reply-by date with a reason, “so we can plan the food”, gets far more answers than “let us know”. If you use an invite link with RSVP, the replies collect in one list and you can see who hasn't answered. For what guests can write back, share how to reply to a wedding invitation.

• RSVP nudge Copy

  Hi [Name], just checking whether you'll be able to make it on [Date]. A quick yes or no helps us plan the food: [link]

• A week before Copy

  One week to go! Timings and the map for every function are on the same link: [link]. See you there.

Want every function, map and reply in one place? An Aaiyega invite is one link per wedding, with each function listed separately and, if you choose RSVP, replies that come back by function. See the designs.